After careful consideration and having gained over a stone in weight since my last post, I’ve decided to start blogging again. I find writing about my food habits and weight struggles therapeutic and if I can help or inspire other people along the way too; well that’s just a cherry on the top! For those of you who don’t find reading the posts as therapeutic as I do writing them, and to be quite frank wish I’d shut up, stop scoffing and get a grip, hello to you too! I’m still here, still struggling and genuinely very happy for you for having your shit together. For those who don’t though, read on…
I wrote my last blog post in January from the cocoon of my bath and I’m writing to you again from my bath only tonight, I’m in my new house. The transition was relatively smooth but I decided to move in with my Mum whilst I was having this place decorated and that’s when shit went down!! I can only liken it to being on holiday where ‘calories don’t count’ because, ya know, you’re on holiday! Only they do and you come back a fatty wondering whether the all you can eat buffet was worth the overhang. I was treated like a queen at mum’s. If I could dream it, she would produce it and the consequence of living without boundaries resulted in jeans that no longer fit and an addiction to Easter Eggs. Yes, I am fully aware that Easter was in April.
I felt okay about it at first; amused almost at my egg munching efforts. The trouble is however, I’m no longer laughing. The sun has reared it’s beautiful face and that has created shear panic at what to wear on an almost daily basis. I’ve opted for my reliable ‘jeans and a top combo’ or on really warm days, a tent-like dress. In black of course. Needless to say, wearing oversized, dark and baggy clothes which cover me from top to toe isn’t doing anything for me. I don’t look good, I don’t feel good and I have a constant ‘slapped arse’ expression on my face. Lovely combo hey! So here I am in another effort to address the error of my ways.
What went wrong? Well that bit feels obvious; I was out of a routine and enjoying what I thought would be a few days between houses. A few days turned into 12 weeks though and so I’ve really got my work cut out to turn it back around. It’s disheartening to being (almost) back to where I was weight-wise when I started this blog. I find myself getting incredibly frustrated and upset for being ‘that girl’ who is constantly struggling with weight. No, I’m not massive and no, my weight doesn’t define me but I won’t apologise for wanting to feel good about myself. Back rolls are not making me feel good people!!!
So what now? Well Einstein said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. With that in mind I need to keep battling on with what I have always struggled with; healthy eating and consistency. I’ve never cracked it but I intend to work on it until I do because I think the answer lies there. I want to leave you with a post I saw on Connie Simmond’s Instagram account – @conniesimmonds – as it really struck a cord with me (I promise you, it’s worth the read). No matter how long it takes I need to get this right!! XX