As I write this, I’m submerged in a hot bubble bath in my home of 10 and 1/2 years. Tomorrow morning, my belongings are being shipped out and I’ll be saying goodbye to a home which has provided a million and one amazing memories (only moving 5 mins down the road mind). I was 23 when I moved into this house and I was full of optimism and very trusting of people. I’m leaving here still full of optimism, but with a wiser head, having learnt some hard but invaluable lessons along the way. It probably sounds incredibly cliché but I see my new house as a new opportunity. I see it as a chance to learn from my mistakes, build on the things I’ve got right and start a new chapter of the book.
Whilst moving the last of my belongings from the attic, I can across a memory box that I started when I was 14. It has the usual in; cinema tickets from dates, photographs and special birthday cards etc. I came across one photo of myself when I was about 16/17. It was before eyebrow pencils, tinted lashes, selfies and filters. I loved my sequin top which is in the shape of a butterfly because ya know, I’ve always been a complete style icon!! Although I had hang-ups about the way I looked (strawberry blonde/ginger hair, pale skin & non existent eyebrows to name a few), I specifically remember not giving a single f@%k about my weight and surprise surprise?! I was about a size 8! Okay, not uncommon for someone aged 16/17 and active but I have come to learn a very valuable lesson over the last few months.
What we give our energy to we become. Sounds obvious but I have spent years now unhappy with my weight, only to find it increasing!! This house move has given me a well needed distraction from obsessing about the scales. I’ve lost weight because as opposed to sitting and eating mindlessly in front of the tv, I’ve been spending my time focusing on my new pad! Chocolate buttons have been replaced by Pinterest.
I still have some bad habits to work on and I am by no means eating perfectly. Take yesterday for example…I had my niece and nephew over for the day and so packing boxes took a back seat. With all the plates and cutlery packed away, we took a trip to McDonald’s. This would be okay as a one off but did I really need to order a cheeseburger with my McChicken sandwich meal?! And was it necessary to polish off the kids nuggets as opposed to throwing them in the bin?! And if we’re being honest, the cheese bites were just plain greedy. After a few mouthfuls I had made my mind up that the food wasn’t worth eating. It was cold, flavourless and unsatisfying. So of course I ate the lot. Why didn’t I bin it all? Bad habits I guess. ‘Finish what’s on your plate’, ‘don’t waste food’ and all the other deeply ingrained and unhelpful messages we have about food.
It’s these kind of things I need to work on but I will and I’m heading in the right direction. Not too long ago, that McDonalds feast would have been a snowball to weeks of all things deep fried. Not this time! I can put it behind me without dwelling on it. I’m 1 stone 10.5lbs down since starting this weight loss journey. I’m generally feeling better about myself but if I dig deep, that’s probably because I’m happy with how things are working out. I feel proud of what I’ve achieved but not just on the scales; buying a new home, getting a new job and starting to realise that I’m a person worthy of what I want from life. Feels good!