Okay so mission ‘stay on plan 101%’ hasn’t exactly gone to…well plan! I haven’t had any massive binges but neither have I been super strict like I said I was going to be. Damn it. Also, why do I try and justify my food choices by saying “I haven’t had any massive binges” like that makes it okay? Since getting back from Marbs, I have continued my training as normal but I have also scoffed the odd chocolate bar or packet of crisps. It will come as no surprise that they don’t feature in the food plan. A couple of weeks ago though I met with Rog for our weekly one on one session and I acknowledged that I had been plodding along a bit since my initial big weight loss before Christmas. He suggested I weighed myself and there was clearly a reason I had been subconsciously avoiding the scales. 7lbs back ON since New Year. That’s now 1 stone down and 2 to go. A gain wasn’t in the plan.
I text Rog and told him the damage and he said what I needed to hear. The words “you’re not looking as trim” we’re the kick up the fat arse I have needed. He knows me well enough to know I can take what he has to say in the way it is intended. I’m not paying him to let me turn up week after week and feed me with bull shit about how fab I look if I’m not shifting any flab. My goal becomes his goal and damn I haven’t been an easy customer! The proof is very clearly in the pudding though, or should I say in the lack of progress in my thigh circumference. I really enjoy my sessions and being back into running but there has been something missing and I haven’t been able to put my finger on what. Until recently that was.
I was in River Island, browsing for something to wear for a hen do I’m going to at the weekend and for a second, allowed myself to feel like a victim. “Boo hoo me, I’m not skinny enough to pick from the front of the rail, I have to go right to the back and hope that the trousers are big fitting”. Of course they never are but that’s not the point. I’ve been convincing myself that the clothes in the high street shops are just poor fitting. What didn’t occur to me was that I was surrounded by dozens of other shoppers perfectly able to pick up an item from the rail, try it on and buy it. And what makes me different to them? I lack consistency and I’m quick to make an excuse up that puts me one step further away from my goal.
I feel like I’ve been throwing myself a pity party for way too long now. Poor me, I struggle to lose weight and keep it off. Sob sob! Sally can’t get to her goal. Well you know what? It’s time I got a god damn grip because even I’m bored of feeling sorry for myself now (I’m aware everyone else stopped a long time ago/ if at all). This weekend we saw thousands of people run the London marathon. That’s 26.2 long, agonising miles. My old PT completed the run and posted something on Facebook afterwards that really hit a cord. He said “in order to achieve a goal you have to commit, focus and make sacrifices”. Sounds simple doesn’t it but how many of us moaning that we’re not losing weight actually make the effort needed to do it? Do we see each meal as an opportunity to be one step closer to our goal or do we think “f*%k it, I’ll start again Monday?”. I know I’ve used that line a few too many times over the years. Watching the marathon served as a much needed reminder that there is only ever one difference between me shoving my head at the back of the clothes rail and those picking something from the front; consistency. The only thing I have done consistently is moan about my battles with food/ weight but the truth is I’m actually bored of talking about it now. Those training for the marathon will have dragged themselves out of bed before work or thrown their trainers on after a long day in the office and put in the miles, knowing if they didn’t, they wouldn’t be fit enough to run the marathon. Time for me to put in the miles too. Who’s dropping their excuses and joining me? If I want this goal like I say I do, it’s time to prove it (or shut the hell up).