I had a bit of an epiphany on my way to work this morning. At least it felt like one. I was thinking about a couple of holidays I have lined up and how I didn’t want to feel uncomfortable, particularly on the one I’ll be next to my gorgeous, slim friend. Come to think of it, and I’m going off on a bit of a tangent here, but that sounds bad towards the other person I’m going away with doesn’t it?! Soz mum. She’s gorgeous too but she’s my mum and so I don’t really care what I look like in front of her. Which begs the question of why I care what I look like next to my friend?! Come to think of it, this reminds me of when I went on holiday with a couple of friends a few years ago and one of them mentioned how she wanted to feel good as we were going away with our very slim and gorgeous friend. No mention of seeing me as inspiration for her diet. Cheeky feck. I remember feeling offended and wondering whether I was seen as the ‘fat friend’ who makes other people feel comfortable?! On the other hand, perhaps she didn’t mean anything by it as I never when I said exactly the same thing tonight! Perhaps it’s a great quality to be the friend who makes others feel comfortable!? I mean we all have our uses right?! Yeah let’s go with that! Anyway, back to the epiphany…
I’ve been on holiday a few times with the girl I’m going away with this year and I have always been envious of her figure. But then it occurred to me; she hasn’t got a slim and toned figure by magic. She works for it and if I want to feel confident then I also need to work for it. Saying it out loud actually makes me realise that this is perhaps more common sense than an epiphany. Perhaps it was R-Kelly blasting out in the car that gave me a burst of motivation. Anyway, moving on, I’m not completely overlooking everything I’ve been banging on about over the last few weeks so don’t worry. I do recognise that my thoughts about being in a bikini are often a habit and I have also proven to myself that I can go away on holiday and have an amazing time if I focus more on enjoying the experience rather than worrying about what I look like. But! And there is a but!
Wouldn’t it be nice to arrive at said beach resort, strip down to your bikini and say ‘yeah, this is what I’ve worked for’. Which then makes me feel a bit shallow. That said, I know the importance of loving myself exactly as I am and I’m not losing sight of that but neither do I feel the need to apologise for wanting a smoking hot body! I’m talking about really working my arse off and seeing what results come from being 100% on it! Think pure dedication, 24/7. I’m laughing because I’ve said that before and shoved a doughnut in my mouth within the hour. I suppose I feel a bit differently now but then I’ve said that before too so the proof will be in the pudding (pardon the pun).
I’ve had a few things to eat since coming back from the hen do that haven’t been ‘on plan’. Have I enjoyed them? Some. Have I regretted them? No. Do I want to eat anything else off plan? Actually, no! It’s just too easy to pick up something quick thinking that it won’t make much of a difference and then getting that bloated, flabby feeling that comes from eating something your body isn’t used to. Trouble is, it rarely serves as a good enough reminder not to eat it again. Well now I’m setting myself a challenge; stay on plan 101% and see what comes from it. If at the end, I’ve missed the odd cheeky burger and don’t look at my body and feel the hard work has been worth it, I’ll revise the plan but I’ll never know if I don’t try. Time to get this show on the road! Wish me luck because you know what’s likely to happen now don’t you?! Yep, constant thoughts of burgers. Damn it.