Honey! I’m home!
It’s been a while since my last blog post but I have just about recovered from the hen do in Marbs. I’m not a particularly big drinker so a couple of nights ‘out out’ plus a nasty cold on my return clearly took it’s toll. I know, I’m a granny! We weren’t in luck with the weather over there so worrying about what I would look like in a bikini was definitely time wasted but when I did bare all, I worked hard on making sure I wasn’t spending all my time fretting. There were 25 of us altogether and I can honestly say the experience of being away on a girls holiday is SO much better when you aren’t sat worrying about what you look like and tearing yourself to shreds with criticism. Everyone looked fab and of course I envied ‘her legs’ and ‘her arms’ but not to a point that I pulled myself down about the way I looked. I surprised myself actually because that has been a longstanding habit of mine, as I mentioned in my last post.
Speaking of habits, although I worked hard not to self loathe on holiday, I didn’t work as hard on my ‘crisps and corona’ habit! There is something about being abroad and relaxing that makes me want to eat crisps by the boat load. Lays or Ruffles to be precise and washed down with an ice cold Corona and fresh lime. You can’t beat it! Why do we do this though? Work hard to feel good in a bikini and then go crazy with food ‘because we’re on holiday’?! What is it about being on holiday that makes us think eating for 5000 is necessary?! Rog told me that when I’m on it properly, healthy choices will be so much of a habit that I won’t give choosing what to eat a second thought. The idea is that I’ll go for the healthy option because I’ll be so used to doing so. I bloody hope he’s right because as it stands, I always look at the burgers on a menu and then torment myself with what I would pick from the desserts section if I was having one! I suppose it goes back to that quote I shared a few weeks ago about unhealthy food being a punishment, not a reward! Must keep that in mind in the future.
So Easter arrived shortly after landing and I soon learnt that period was another habit I had to conquer. It’s Easter bank holiday, so you over eat and drink, right?! Again! Why?! Certainly feels like I’ve had a few tests these last couple of weeks. No eggs were actually consumed on Easter Sunday but don’t be fooled into thinking that I was self-disciplined. I simply ate my share of eggs before the actual day. Not the scrambled or poached kind either I’m afraid. If getting through the weekend associated with my favourite sugar substance wasn’t hard enough, imagine my alarm when I walk into the shop this morning to see ALL EASTER RELATED PRODUCTS HALF PRICE! I actually stood hovering over the mini egg display debating how much I wanted to lose weight V’s how much I wanted to buy every single bag, plus every other marked down chocolate goodie too. Now on this occasion I did resist and will also give myself a pat on the back as reduced chocolate really is a danger to anyone, let alone a recovering addict.
This whole food thing really is a working progress and I’ve stopped beating myself up over the times I don’t quite get it right, all day every day. Easter two years ago was something else! Picture the scene…my car boot was full to bursting with eggs for the Looked After children I worked with. I had bought them to give out at a party we put together only being an essential car user meant that I was closer to the eggs on a daily basis than I perhaps should have been! I managed to work my way through almost all of the eggs in the space of a week. Of course I replaced each and every one and the kids didn’t go without. I’d be sent to hell for that kind of behaviour surely! But it did teach me a valuable lesson; never buy a chocolate related gift in advance of when it might be needed. I must have polished off about 4 eggs a day that week. Good going by anyone’s standards though, right?
So what’s next? Well, I’m back in the comfort zone that is a routine and back at work so I’ve been on plan this week. I was even surprised when I didn’t crash and burn at body blast last night, despite missing class for a couple of weeks. I clearly haven’t lost it altogether. The scales are tucked away and although I’m feeling good about myself, I am now working towards feeling fab in my bridesmaid dress. 5 weeks and counting so I’m approaching this next stone like I did my first one; like an over excited kid on Christmas morning. I think it’s good to have goals and something to work towards but I’m very mindful that this journey isn’t just about weight; it’s about feeling strong, confident and happy in my own skin once and for all. Until next time…