“Why is a girl like you single?”
“Don’t you get lonely?”
“The clock is ticking!”
“You’re just too picky”
“You’ll never meet anyone if you don’t make time”.
Although I’ve been single for a few years now, it never ceases to amaze me how many people give their opinion on my love life, despite the fact that I rarely ask for it. I think that’s one of the downfalls of being an open person; people think that because I share information about myself, through a blog or otherwise, there is an automatic invitation for questions and comments. I have my own hypothesis on why I’m single and it’s one which might surprise you…I love it! I have always enjoyed my own space and the truth is, I haven’t been in a big rush to give that up. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I want to be in a relationship and when I miss having someone to share certain experiences with but people often seem genuinely perplexed that I could also be happy single.
I have another theory. I think that society creates boxes which people then feel obliged to fit in; skinny, in a relationship, engaged, married with the compulsory ‘detached house, 3 kids and pet dog’… If you’re not in a box, people then try to fit you into one and they do this by trying to figure out what’s ‘wrong’ with you. That’s where the comments and opinions come in. If only I were a little “less picky”, I could fit nicely into one of those boxes! Trust me, I haven’t been picky enough in the past and if I’m going to spend the rest of my life with someone, I’ll make sure I’m very choosy about who I settle down with, thank you very much. Single people aren’t alone with the box analogy though, I’m certain of that. Couples who have been together for a few years will be asked when they’re getting engaged, newly married couples are often asked when they will be having a baby etc. Why aren’t we allowing people to live in the moment and enjoy doing what they’re doing? Why do we have to keep shoving people into boxes? I think the frustrating thing for me is that there isn’t even a bloody box if you’re single! You’re out of any of society’s boxes and generally, people just can’t deal with that. What else do people talk to you about if they can’t ask why you haven’t found the one?! I mean you would assume there are lots of things to ask but somehow, an update on the dating front appears to be crucial (nosey bastards).
I’ve been guilty of trying to squeeze myself into a box before but a good friend of mine helped me to realise how happy I was on my own. I have often panicked about not being with someone because I’ve felt I should be. That said, I’ve perhaps made one too many jokes about being single and people who don’t know me that well may think that it’s something that bothers me but in all honesty, I feel lucky. I see so many people in unhappy and unfulfilling relationships that I feel lucky to be able to be on my own and feel genuinely content. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to meet someone but if I’ve learnt anything over the last few years, it’s that if I’m going to share my time with someone, they have to bring something to my life. Being with someone for the sake of being able to say “I’m in a relationship” isn’t something that interests me. ‘Settling’ simply isn’t in my vocabulary!
I mentioned in a post a couple of months ago that I’ve wasted a lot of time ‘waiting’ for things to be different. Waiting to be at my goal weight or waiting until I can fit back into my old skinny jeans, for example, before starting to date again. I said it then and I’ll say it again now; it’s wasted time! What’s really hit home since starting my blog is that confidence is attractive, not someone who moans about their weight. What makes a person special is how they make others feel about themselves, not what size clothes they wear. That said, there will always be a part of me hoping that the guy I end up with will have a larger thigh circumference than me but I can probably leave the tape measure at home safe in the knowledge that size really doesn’t matter 😉 I trust that what’s meant to be will be and it will happen when it’s supposed to. So in the mean time, I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing. I’m ready to date but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy being single. I’m working on myself and feel so much better for it. That can only be a good thing for whichever lucky fella I end up with!!