In my post a couple of weeks ago, ‘This Little Piggy’, I spoke about the fact that I had often dreamt of a life somewhere different. I have imagined living somewhere I could spend my weekends learning to surf, sunbathing and enjoying a care free lifestyle. This week, I received an email inviting me to live that daydream and I remember smiling when I opened it. I smiled because I knew I didn’t need to go there anymore. I could stay at home, and be happy with the life I had, exactly as it was. As I’ve said before, I’ll experience warmer pastures some day but it won’t be for the same reason as when I initially wanted to pack up and get away. I don’t feel like I need to escape anymore so when I do go, it will be for the right reasons.
For the first time in a long time, I have felt so positive and optimistic about what lies ahead for me. I can’t believe what difference a couple of weeks can make! I have often spoke about the fact that I have never been able to get my head around my eating habits and promised to share any revelations I had with you, so here I am. I came across something about addiction on TED Talks by Johann Hari. He spoke about the work of Peter Cohen, who described addiction as a ‘bond’. He explained that it’s human nature to form a bond with something and when we’re happy and healthy, we bond with each other but when we’re feeling ‘beaten down by life’, we often find something else to bond with. This is so true for me. Food certainly became my bond over the last couple of years. If ever I was feeling down in the dumps, fed up or lonely, I would eat. Believe it or not, it was never about the food itself, but about filling a gap with something. I spoke to my good friend Karen about this earlier in the week and she captured how I was feeling perfectly. I mentioned that I wasn’t craving junk food or chocolate anymore and she highlighted that this was because I no longer needed the ‘comfort blanket’ it had been to me over the last couple of years. How right she was!
I know there will always be highs and lows in life and I’m sure we all have some unhealthy habits when we’re not in the right headspace but for me, it’s about being aware of how I’m feeling and sharing those thoughts instead of eating them. I’ve reached the bottom of many ice cream tubs and I can assure you the answer isn’t there. Nor is it at the bottom of a pizza box or packet of crisps for that matter, but of course I checked. This is only the start of my journey to becoming body confident and I’m not naive enough to think it won’t go without a few bumps but I know I’ve turned a huge corner. I’m enjoying focusing on ‘me’ and in all the right ways. There is a long way to go before my chub rub is a thing of the past but I’m already feeling better in myself. I’ll share some progress pictures soon as seeing the fat melting away, slowly but surely, is giving me the boost I’ve needed (not the chocolate variety).
I’ll leave you with a thought from TED Talks and take this opportunity to say thanks to all you wonderful people who have been so very supportive; “the opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety, the opposite of addiction is connection”.