On Monday, this little piggy ate a Five Guys.
On Tuesday, this little piggy ate a custard doughnut, chocolate and a pot noodle.
On Wednesday, this little piggy went back to Five Guys and also had a Nando’s for tea.
On Thursday, this little piggy ate another custard doughnut and had an Indian.
On Friday, this little piggy ate a bacon sarnie, chocolate, crisps and finished her day off with a Chinese.
On Friday night, this little piggy sat down and felt more like a big piggy. A very greedy big piggy.
After my post on Monday, where I confessed my trip to the burger joint, a friend gave me some good advice. She told me to draw a line under the day and not let a bad day become a bad week. Instead, I’m having to try and draw a line under the week. I really hoped that the very eating habits that got me to the weight I am were a thing of the past but I suppose all that matters is this doesn’t turn into another two year binge.
In all honesty, I don’t understand it. Yes, it goes without saying that I enjoy food but after the week I’ve had, I’m sat here feeling bloated, uncomfortable and rather fed up with myself. A few people have said to me “you can’t want it enough or you would just do it”. I once spoke to an old work colleague about this and he captured how I feel perfectly. He said; “maybe sometimes you want something too much and it becomes a muddle trying to figure it out”. He’s so right. If this was as easy as dropping the excuses and eating healthy all the time, wouldn’t we all be at our goal weight and loving our bodies?
I’m starting to understand what my friend meant when she said that things changed for her when she stopped thinking about food. If my waking thoughts didn’t focus around what I would be eating for breakfast, lunch and dinner, maybe I’d have a better shot at this. When things hit a peak with my eating habits and weight, I decided to shake things up a bit and left my job where I was working from home. I figured if I had a different lifestyle, I might be able to break some bad habits and turn a corner with my weight. Unfortunately I have found myself back in my comfort zone; work, eat, sleep, repeat.
I’ve spent a while daydreaming of a life somewhere warmer. I imagine my weekends spent by the sea, stand-up paddle boarding or leaning to surf and falling to sleep at night because I’m physically exhausted rather than passed out and in a food coma. I know me and I know I’ll make that happen some day but whilst I am here, I need to make the most out of my life. I know I am utterly privileged and that in the grand scheme of things, I have nothing to moan about. My body is in full working order, I have a supportive family and amazing friends. All of that however, doesn’t stop me feeling fed up from time to time. It’s easy to think that a new job or change of scenery will ‘fix’ things but we could be anywhere in the world and still be stuck in a rut, be it with food, a relationship or a nasty habit. I know full well that change comes from the inside and I’m trying to figure out what I can do to get on the right path and stay there. What’s great about blogging is that I know I’m not alone in all of this. When I figure it all out, you’ll be the first to know.