I started writing this post whilst waiting for my pizza to be made at Domino’s. Yep, I caved. Funnily enough though, despite pre ordering, when I got there they knew nothing about my request for a medium stuffed crust circle of heaven. By some kind of voodoo magic, my pizza was processed to the wrong store and so I saw this as a BIG sign from above. I had an opportunity to make a better choice; I could walk out & get something healthier for tea and forget that I had ever stepped foot in the building. Of course though, I ignored the ‘sign’ and reordered said pizza, almost tempted to ask for a side order of cookies for the inconvenience.
Speaking of witchery, whilst sat waiting on the bench, the ‘On This Day’ feature on Facebook popped up. Five years ago I was writing about the same thing; my lack of control over food and how I needed to try harder. It was a stark reminder that I was finding myself talking about the same thing. I was retelling my ‘story’ yet again.
I knew exactly why I was craving unhealthy food but I’m yet to make sense of it. Allow me to share my thoughts with you…On Sunday, I went into town and decided to have a browse around the shops. This was arguably my first mistake. Clothes shopping when you’re bigger than what you want to be and trying to lose weight isn’t much fun. I learnt a few things that day and one of them was that just because an item of clothing is made in your size, it doesn’t mean you should wear it. Also, merely an observation but why is there always a skinny girl parading around the changing rooms when you’re falling through the curtain trying to pull a pair of jeans over your huge wobbly arse? Bitch please. You’ll look good in anything. Get your little self back behind the curtain and let me sweat this out in peace.
No matter how shitty we feel in the changing room, it doesn’t stop us walking past Greggs on the way home and convincing ourselves that having a pasty is a good idea. Since my awful experience of trying on clothes, I’ve had a fish and chip supper, chocolate, biscuits at work, a cupcake, crisps and a pizza. Someone, for the love of God, explain to me how this makes any sense? I felt so rubbish after trying on clothes all day because of the weight I had gained yet instead of coming away and using this experience as motivation, I eat rubbish. WHY??
I don’t have the answer but what I do keep reminding myself of is that changes take time. I only started exercising again 4 weeks ago and although I’ve made some huge improvements, particularly with food (yes really), the reality is I also have a long way to go. Why do we expect to be seeing changes in a month when we’ve spent years of eating rubbish and failing to look after our bodies? The lesson is clear; be patient and consistent. Slip ups will happen but a bad day doesn’t need to be a bad week/ month. Always easier saying these things after shovelling crap into our mouths though isn’t it! Fellow chub rub sufferers, it ain’t over! I am determined to do this. I promised honesty and I’m doing my best to give it to you.