When I started this blog, I was confident beyond words that I would sail through and lose the extra weight I had gained, especially after sharing my photos. I’m only three weeks in and this certainly isn’t a relaxing float along the river. Think more along the lines of white water rafting. In crocodile infested water. With sharks. And piranhas. I haven’t felt too well today and this evening, I found myself in search of comfort. To be precise, I found myself down the chocolate isle of Asda. And then the crisps isle. Again, I managed to resist (the two Curly Wurly’s mid day probably helped) but it did get me thinking about why I was, yet again, in a constant battle over food.
Facebook have a feature called ‘On This Day’ and if you’re not aware of it, it brings up status updates you’ve shared on the same day over the last 7 years. In other words, you’re offered a reminder of what a twat you’ve made of yourself. Nice one Facebook. I am genuinely amazed at how many posts I’ve shared about food, dieting, weight loss and exercise. It’s beyond embarrassing. I have spoken about the same stuff day in, day out and so you might argue that this has become ‘my story’. I think if I did a poll amongst my friends and asked them who, out of everyone they knew, constantly moaned about their weight and the way they looked they would probably say me. And that’s quite sad really. I’m confident that this isn’t the only thing that they would say about me but it would certainly be up there.
I attended a ‘Breakfree’ workshop at the weekend which was delivered by a wonderful friend of mine called Karen Foy. Over the years, Karen has used her skills as a Coaching Psychologist to help people, including myself, to ‘own their story’. What I have come to learn with Karen’s support is that if we keep retelling the same story, and in my case it’s worrying about weight and appearance, we keep giving ourselves the same message; we are not enough the way we are. I have spent so long moaning and complaining that it has, quite literally, become second nature. Walking past a mirror and murmuring something about having a fat arse or batting back a compliment is something I have done without a second thought. It’s funny how we speak with ease about self-fulfilling prophecies when it comes to children but we rarely stop and think about the impact of our own words when we constantly tell ourselves the same message. In short, we believe the story we keep telling ourselves. I am realising that happiness really is an inside out job and I urge anyone reading this to put some thought to that.
Yes, I want to lose weight. I have gained it in an unhealthy way and I don’t feel myself anymore but I’m adding another goal to this challenge and that’s to let go of the story I have created for myself. I want to stop moaning and complaining and embrace the concept that what makes us different, makes us beautiful. Such a cliché I know but SO true! So back to my original question…why the constant battle with food? When we do something for so long, it becomes a habit. Time to change a few habits I’ve had for a little too long now. Who’s with me?