What you eat in private, you wear in public…

Earlier this year I had a couple of weeks between jobs so I decided to go away. I loved the job I left for lots of reasons but I needed a change and felt that a nice, relaxing break somewhere warm would be a good way of recharging my batteries and fuelling the next challenge. I went alone, in part because I enjoy my own company but also because I didn’t feel confident in a bikini and knew going alone would take the stress out of that.

Knowing that I needed to change things, I signed up to an online plan by the Body Coach before I went and took a paper copy away with me, with a view to starting it once I got home. I had followed the Body Coach on Instagram for a while and was hooked! His meals looked great and the before and after pictures were amazing. Of course I was sold. One credit card transaction later and I was signed up. Sat on my sun lounger and soaking up the rays, two little words on his plan hit me hard enough to make me spit out my Pina Colada. NO SUGAR. Sugar was what I lived for! Over the last two or so years, it had kept me company when I was working from home and had been my ‘go to’ food after a tough day. Looking down at my rolls though, was the reminder I needed. I knew I had to give it a try and so when I got back home, I started the plan.

My thought was ‘new job, new diet’. It’s kind of like the equivalent to splitting up with your boyfriend and getting a new hair cut. You can’t have one without the other. Loaded with Tupperware boxes filled to the brim with green veg and with my plan under my arm, I made my way to work feeling confident that things would be different this time. I could be anyone I wanted to be! No one knew me and no one had to know I had spent the last 2 years in a job, eating from home, sorry I mean working from home. I started to share my plan and what had become my bible, a book called Sweet Poison by David Gillespie, with my new colleagues. People were listening and interested in what I had to share (well everyone wants to know the secret to weight loss).

As with any ‘diet plan’ I start though, I became obsessed and wouldn’t stop preaching about it. Certain people (you know who you are) would tell me and the Doc, who is also health conscious, to shut the f up. I understand these people, but on this occasion, I wasn’t one of them. When you’re not interested in healthy eating or weight loss and certainly when you’re not eating well yourself, these people are the most infuriating ones to be around. You literally want to throw pies at them.

The Body Coach posted my before and after photos on Instagram. Things were looking good. I imagine that this would normally be when people get a boost of motivation; seeing the changes they had worked so hard for and getting compliments from those around you. Not me. This is when things took their toll. Quite simply, I was sick of the bloody sight of green veg.

BeforeAfter

I was missing my old friend sugar and needed a little hit. I couldn’t admit this to my new colleagues though! Not after I had spent the last few weeks preaching about how deadly fructose was. So I did what any normal person would do, I bought chocolate from the tuck shop in the staff kitchen and sat and ate it in the toilet. And thank god I ate it there! After weeks of giving up the sweet stuff, it did not agree with my body. I had two choices…give it up and listen to my body’s groans and gurgles or continue to eat it and develop an immunity to it again. I chose plan b of course. I ate enough chocolate to make up for the last few weeks and then some. My jeans started to fit again, and not in a good way. I was back to my starting weight and knew I couldn’t continue to sneak chocolate into the toilet, not least because it was plain weird.  I admitted defeat (and recently confessed to eating in the toilet) and returned to my previous eating habits. This consisted of chocolate several times a day and a meal deal for lunch. Everything I had read had told me this was the last thing I needed to be eating but I couldn’t keep up with the plan and so I put it on the shelf, admitting defeat.

Several months have passed since then and I never have returned to the plan. I can’t discredit any of it and as I said in my last post, I continue to aspire to clean eating but I needed more of a balance. I learnt a lot about food and what our body needs and when but for now, I’m ditching the cold turkey approach and going for the old classic, ‘everything in moderation’. It still isn’t easy and I know that there’s a long road ahead but I’m feeling a lot more comfortable with Slimming World. It’s weigh in tomorrow and although I’m far less obsessed with the number on the scales than I used to be, it’s a way of monitoring progress.

I’ll let you know how I get on but I’m not holding my breath for a sticker (darn crisps lying around the office).

5 thoughts on “What you eat in private, you wear in public…

  1. Another brave and funny piece. My Kizzy’s got her weigh-in today. I wish I could get her to see her the way I do, but that ain’t gonna happen. Anyway, best of luck tonight. ☺

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Good luck 🙂
    I’m confident one day… we’re going to learn to eat just enough chocolate to feel satisfied but not too much so as not to gain weight…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hi Sally
    Sat in hospital in Durham – my son was due to start lectures on Monday – he has just come out of theatre after an appendectomy -he’s been very poorly but should feel better tomorrow – I had a Mars bar whilst worrying and waiting for him then read your blog – the blog was better!! Looking forward to hearing more!!! Hopefully see you Tuesday.
    Janine 🌻

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Better than a Mars? That is a compliment (you should have gone for a Snickers). Hope your son makes a speedy recovery. Glad you like the blog! As someone I have looked up to for many years, it means a lot. See you next week (don’t rush back) xx

      Like

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